A Frown at the French Economy

A new star is born in Iran’s skies everyday and while our eyes have not gotten used to the earlier stars, the light of this one is blinding our eyes. The latest star is Mohammad-Reza Rahimi, the first vice-president of Iran. While he does not like talk about his educational documents which some Majlis members have declared to be forgeries, he recently announced that, “The French economy would collapse if we frowned at that country.” Our reporter has conducted an imaginary interview with Rahimi. Read on.

We: Good evening. Please introduce yourself and tell us what is your executive position.

Rahimi: I am Dr Mohammad-Reza Rahimi, discoverer and the first vice-president of Dr Ahmadinejad and his brother Dr Dawood Ahmadinejad and his mother Dr Fatemeh Ahmadinejad and other Iranian elite.

We: Are all these individuals that you listed doctors?

Rahimi: There is no need for comment on this. My PhD and those of Ahmadinejad and his family have all been confirmed by the municipality Aradan (where Ahmadinejad was born) and nobody has any doubts about this.

We: Please tell us your position on US and Western sanctions.

Rahimi: The sanctions have had no impact and in the last few days when Westerners announced their new sanctions, we did not even notice them. The fact that I have a beautiful smile on my face right now indicates that the sanctions have not had any impact. I only want to say that if they want to impose sanctions on us, they will fall.

We: How will they fall?

Rahimi: There could suddenly be an explosion, of course without our involvement, in a place, and you know that when that happens many fall down. Of course the minister of defense can provide further details which he will not now. Next question.

We: You have said that if we frown, the French economy would collapse. It is now many years since our officials have been frowning, then why has the French economy not collapsed till now?

Rahimi: Unfortunately for some years Mr. Khatami, Mr. Hashemi and particularly our detested former ambassador to France Sadegh Kharazi used to smile which was not approved by the leader and because of these the French economy has remained supported by suspicious elements.

We: But Ahmadinejad’s administration has always been frowning?

Rahimi: Which is why there is an economic crisis in the West. When the president was frowning at the US, you saw how hundreds of millions of car manufacturers there were destroyed. At one time we frowned at Germany which resulted in 85 percent unemployment.

We: When does he plan to frown at France?

Rahimi: For now the president is scheduled to go to Lebanon. When he returns, he plans to cough a couple times so that Kuwait’s economy is destroyed. Then the leader plans to put on a smile so that Zimbabwe’s inflation of 42,000 percent falls to less than 10 percent. France’s turn comes next, which means that in the first half of December we will frown at France.

We: You have said that unemployment has forced France to increase the retirement age, which is contrary to what is happening in Iran which accepted employees to retire 5 years earlier, and the government accepted to pay their retirement. By this do you mean that the level of unemployment in Iran is less than in Europe?

Rahimi: Yes. Whenever unemployment rises, we retire 5 million people. As a result, 5 million new jobs are available and we hire 5 million new employees.

We: But you pay retirement to the retirees, which means that you are actually paying salaries to 5 million new employees in addition to the retirees. Where do you get this money from?

Rahimi: Look, we may not have money to pay our new employees, but this is a different issue. On one hand we solve the unemployment issue so that people are not unemployed, while on the other hand it is possible that we may not have money to pay them salaries. After all the government cannot solve all the problems overnight or in one month or even in one year or a century. But we will solve the unemployment problem. The French on the other hand cannot solve their unemployment problem.

We: Perhaps this is because in France if someone is employed, he must also be given a salary. Don’t you think this is important?

Rahimi: Look, this is a very serious issue in the West where they have to pay a salary to anyone they hire. In our rich Eastern culture and particularly because of the views of the esteemed supreme leader, we can withhold paying salaries and many people will not protest this.

We: But if employees are not paid, how would you treat their protests?

Rahimi: Many of the people who protest because they are not paid their salary are American spies. You know that in France they execute such people but we only throw them in a jail and at the most they will be raped there.

We: Thank you. I have no further questions.

Rahimi: God protect you. By the way, educational documents are not important at all.