How Can I Buy Some Democracy?

(Satire)

Here Are Some Options

Italian Democracy

People get fed up with Berlusconi and hand over the government to the communists resulting in a 10 percent loss of their purchasing power. Then, while cursing Berlusconi, people elect him again: They become rich and Berlusconi creates ten TV channels. This time people bring in the Christian Liberals and their purchasing power drops by 20 percent. People go to the polls again and while cursing Berlusconi, vote for him and bring him back. They get rich and this time Berlusconi creates 2000 whore houses. At the next elections the Socialists come to power and Berlusconi is sentenced to 10 years of prison. People’s purchasing power drops by 30 percent and so they pull Berlusconi out of prison and make him president again. People get rich and Berlusconi reinstates and legalizes slavery. And so the story goes on.

American Democracy

The Democratic Party warns Middle East dictators about human rights and the Republican Party comes to office. It then attacks three Middle East countries. The Democrats step in and write the new charter of the new administration. This results in the Republicans returning to the executive branch and who send more troops to protect democracy. Then the Democrats come in and throw out the dictators and institute free elections.  The Republicans launch their war on terrorists and then the Democrats call the dictators terrorists and continue the war.

Turkish Democracy

During the rule of the military, members of Vatan Muslim League are arrested, imprisoned and then executed while the Kurds are forced into exile. After the 12-year military rule, free elections are held and the “Secular Pistol Party,” the “Secular Liberal Party,” the “Liberal Democrat Party,” the “Small Democrat Party,” the “National Welfare Party,” the “Muslim League Party,” and finally the “Little Muslim League Party” all come to power in that order and begin to Islamize the country. Three years later, the military takes over power through a coup and arrests all the members of the National Muslim League Party, sends them to prison and then executes them. It also sends the Kurds, who were enjoying a break, back into exile and cracks down on them. The secular “New Pistol National Party” joins the military to form a coalition government and rules the country for six years. And the story goes.

Iran’s Religious Democracy

People stage a revolution and a republican form of government is created. They lose everything they had including political freedoms. But at least now they can elect a president. The first president turns into the leader of the opposition after a year of speech-giving and then flees the country. The second president lasts only two months as he is assassinated. The third president is assassinated before he even takes office. The fourth president transforms into the opposition because of his economic policies and leaves. The fifth president clashes with the regime over political freedoms and leaves office. The sixth president assumes his post as the servant of the supreme leader and the public but after eight years turns into the enemy of the supreme leader and the people and then leaves. And the cycle goes on.

Egyptian Democracy

People band together and throw out one of the biggest American dictators. By giving many martyrs they elect a president for a republic that already had a president for some thirty years. Then they elect a new president under international supervision. A year after that, the very same people pour into the streets and with the help of the army against whom they had initially fought throw out their own elected president and put the military’s president into the office. And unlike the changes in the names of the presidents, street fighting continues relentlessly in the cities.